Can you help me check this essay I wrote for an IELTS topic?

It is very nicely done. Sentence one needs to be fixed. The use of "well" is incorrect. Sentence two could have a tighter construction without, "But..know". And in English, after ten, use numerals. Millions as a plural is not used. Omit "nowadays" as too colloquial. Use "today". Tighten the construction. You have done a nice job. Put in a little more time on your draft, or work with a buddy.